Shares In Balaclavas Jump 10 Points Overnight

SPECULATION about Northern Ireland has caused shares in balaclava manufacturing to leap 10 points in overnight trading, soaring to levels not seen since the Good Friday agreement.

With the collapse of the power-sharing executive prompting a snap-election following the cash-for-ash scandal, and the continued uncertainty surrounding the border with the Free State in the wake of Brexit, speculators are rushing to invest in firms producing the classic ‘little black number’ favoured by both sides of the political divide.

The leaps come as a PSNI officer recovers in hospital today after being shot twice in the arm in Belfast last night, with investigations pointing towards dissident republicans as the culprits.

“We’ve got teams of republican grannies knitting at high speed to meet demand,” said Gerry Maguire, whose Balaclava company is now valued at €1 billion.

“And investors are buying up shares in us at a rate I haven’t seen since the nineties. People aren’t sure what’s going to happen in the North over the next six months, but one thing is for sure; nobody wants to be without a balaclava”.

The uncertainty has also led in rises in share prices across the board, from glass bottles filled with petrol, to crutches and knee braces.