Rural Ireland To Squander €60m Government Money On Ben Sherman Shirts & Coleslaw


A €60 MILLION government scheme to aid rural Ireland may be in jeopardy amid fears that the money may be wasted on things like country music CDs, check shirts, and going for a big feed of pints on Friday nights.

The cash injection was initially earmarked for the renovation and redevelopment of schools, nursing homes and renovations to existing properties, with nearly 600 towns across the country set to benefit.

However, questions are being raised in the Dáil as to whether or not the money will be spent correctly, or just flittered away on ham sandwiches, handball allies and putting Volkswagen Passats from 1998 through the NCT.

“Could we not just keep the money for Dublin?” asked one Dublin TD, aghast that the government might spend money in some other county.

“For example, how about we invest in better broadband for the Dublin area. I’ve got constituents who are supposed to be getting 120mbs, but are lucky sometimes to get 90mbs. Let’s not waste 60 million euro on people who are probably going to end up living in Dublin in the long run. Let’s just spend it here, so the place is nice for them when they have to leave their homes to come to the city for a job”.

The €60 million will be transferred to rural Ireland in 10 euro notes, and will involve one of the largest sessions of spitting in palms ever seen in the country.