“I’m The Only One Creating Jobs Around Here” Local Drug Dealer Slams Government

WATERFORD drug dealer Richie ‘The Grater’ Harrington has today slammed the Irish government for ignoring the young people in his council estate, stating that he has been the only one creating jobs in the area in the past 10 years.

Mr. Harrington, who has been wholesaling illegal drugs since 2006, currently has 34 foot soldiers under him, with ‘runners’ ranging from the ages of 8, right up to his mature dealers in their late 40s.

“Business is booming and I’m actually expanding out to the council estate next to us… once I sort out a couple of fellas,” the 34-year-old entrepreneur explains, “it’s great to be able to keep so many young people employed, but the turnover is high with lads getting murdered, beaten and imprisoned, so I’m constantly on the lookout for new skin”.

The Grater, whose signature punishment is grating those in debt to him with a cheese grater, blames the Irish government for his success, claiming he wouldn’t have a multi-million euro tax-free business if it wasn’t for their neglect of rural Irish towns like Waterford and neighbouring Clonmel.

“I can’t imagine what it would be like if there was enough gardaí to handle our crew,” he continued, “or indeed, decent paying jobs that actually pay out more than the social welfare, or better yet, an education system developed to combat some of the poverty found in council estate Ireland.

“Man, give me ten minutes in the Dáil and I’d have this place in tip-top shape,” he concluded, before blowing a snot to the ground and walking off.