New Baywatch Trailer Ushers In Puberty For Record Number Of Teenagers


THE RELEASE of the first trailer for the comedic reimagining of beloved TV show Baywatch has resulted in record numbers of 13-year-olds experiencing their first real foray into puberty and round the clock masturbation, WWN can reveal.

With the trailer for the film revolving around impossibly beautiful men and women, running at speed while wearing next to nothing, thousands of unsuspecting teenagers have found themselves thrust into the beginning of a hormone hurricane that has awakened their nascent sexuality.

“The unique combination of slow motion clips and breasts are amongst the most potent weapons in the arsenal of female sexuality and whether or not they fully understand it, there are thousands upon thousands of 13-year-olds who have been watching the trailer on repeat since it was released yesterday,” explained sexual behaviour expert Dr. Jessica Lawrence.

“Also have you seen Zac Efron with his top off… fucking hell,” added Dr. Lawrence.

The full fallout from the trailer has yet to be established, however, it has been reported that an increase in teenagers locking their bedroom doors has been confirmed by concerned parents.

At the urging of parents across the world, the makers of the film have been asked to remove slow motion images of Alexandra Daddario, Priyanka Chopra, Kelly Rohrbach and Ilfenesh Hadera from the trailer.

“I fear my son may never emerge from his room again,” confirmed one worried parent.