12 Pubs Of Christmas Downgraded To 10

216
0
Share:

A GOVERNMENT initiative to cut down on the amount of mad bastards in town over the festive season has seen the traditional ’12 pubs of Christmas’ drinking session downgraded to the ’10 pubs of Christmas’; a drop of two whole pubs.

Ministers defended the controversial move, stating that the reduction of pubs required to meet the criteria of the drinking circuit would lead to an increase in craic, without the loss of any revenue to vintners.

“The 12 pubs of Christmas only brings out the maddest banter merchants in the country,” explained one government spokesperson earlier today, amid ferocious backlash against the move.

“Knocking it down to 10 pubs will draw in the moderate crowd who would otherwise have been daunted at the prospect of 12 pubs. This means we should actually see an increase in crowds this year, but a decrease in people being absolutely legless. The overall number of pints consumed on the night should hold steady due to the extra people on the street. Not everyone can drink 12 pints, 10 is handy enough though”.

Although the move has been ridiculed by 12 pubs purists, there are those who welcome the move.

“I’d never go into town on any of the nights where people would be doing the 12 pubs of Christmas,” explained one man we spoke to.

“10 pubs though, that should be the craic. It’s achievable, you know. Fuck it, yeah I will go this year. If I can find a hilarious Christmas jumper, that is”.

Share:
X