NORTH Dakota Policemen have been praised for offering Native American Indians several hundred litres of tear gas in an emotional ceremony at Standing Rock this afternoon.
Keeping with the American celebration of the blessings of the harvest, Police officers lined up in a show of solidarity with their Sioux brother and offered up the lachrymatory agent to their welcoming faces, keeping with an age-old tradition spanning back centuries.
“Obviously everyone here is very emotional right now,” Police officer Todd Chamberson explains, “The natives here at the reservation are openly weeping at our kind hearted gesture. I just wish the rest of the world could get on like we do and live in harmony with one another”.
Standing Rock reservation resident Abedabun Yazzie was so overwhelmed with the touching gift, he was stuck for words.
“Oh my fucking eyes! Help me, help me, I can’t see. It’s burning me. My eyes, I can’t see,” he thanked, before accepting more tear gas, “Argh, my skin feels like it’s on fire. Why are you doing this to us. Leave our land alone. My fucking eyes”.
Celebrations at the ancient Indian site are expected to last right on into the New Year, with even more policemen and women expected to arrive with more gifts throughout the Christmas period.
“It’s great to see everyone so involved,” added officer Chamberson, “Only problem we have now is that the local people are now pretending to be Indians too. I just hope we have enough tear gas to go round”.