Young Fellas Made Of Nothing These Days, Finds Scientific Study


DOCTORS studying the make-up of young fellas have found that they are made of nothing these days, in contrast to the men of old.

The scientific study, carried out by a team of genetic experts at Trinity College Dublin, found that the majority of Irish males aged between 16-30 have grown a lot weaker physically and less resilient to cold temperatures over the past 60 years. Of 100 Irish males tested in physical work environments, 67% percent moaned about being tired and fatigued after just two minutes.

“We put the study group to work on a local farm picking spuds, weeding gardens and doing general old time shit,” lead researcher Professor Conor Tracey explains, “We even made them travel to work in their bare feet. The results we got back were absolutely appalling to tell you the truth. Only a small minority of the men got on with their chores without complaining”.

In fact, further testing found that 89% of those studied were ‘perishers’, a trait increasing in modern day males.

“Nearly every one of them began whinging about the cold during the picking stones in the frost task,” Dr. Tracey added, “They began complaining that their ikkle fingies were sore, and that they couldn’t feel their hands or feet from the cold. Poor pets. Several lads even tried to pretend they were sick in a bid to get out of the job, and one 18-year-old subject began crying for his mammy like a big baby, so he did”.

The study concluded that 92% of Irish men were found to be made of nothing these days, compared to the young fellas of years ago who used to walk to school in their bare feet, before then going to work in the mines for 18 hours a day.