Chaos As International Wine Shortage Hits Parents Just Before Midterm


AN international wine shortage is set to devastate Ireland’s parent population ahead of next week’s midterm, WWN can confirm.

With children off for a week starting next Monday, Ireland’s mothers and fathers had hoped they could rely on an extra bottle or two of wine to ‘take the edge off’ having to interact with their children for longer periods than they are normally subjected to. However, a shortage has occurred as a result of harsh weather conditions in wine growing regions this year.

“Typical. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time,” shared father-of-three-shits Declan Cummings, “the queues are already starting outside my local off licence, if they run out, I don’t know what I’ll do”.

Security has been beefed up across off licence sections in Lidl, Aldi and Tesco stores nationwide as reports of several parents turning ‘feral’ as they fight over the remaining bottles.

“Despite the fact we have enough supplies for the next 4 months, what with the midterm next week, these psychos could have it all bought within the next 10 minutes,” confirmed off licence operator Cormac Cleary.

“They are also stocking up for tomorrow’s teacher’s strike, which isn’t something we factored into our last stock orders, so we’re sadly reaping the chaos now,” Cleary added.

In an effort to ensure all parents are able to access wine during this tough period of time, many off licences are limiting the purchase to just 20 bottles per mother.