First Rule Of UKIP Is You Do Not Talk About UKIP, Says UKIP

MEMBERS of the United Kingdom Independence Party are keeping tight-lipped about the details of yesterday’s bizarre clash between two of its members, stating only that the first and indeed second rules of UKIP are that you do not talk about UKIP.

MEP Steven Woolfe was hospitalised yesterday following an altercation with fellow minister Mike Hookem, who then went on the run from authorities and is currently believed to be hiding up a tree somewhere in Normandy.

But interim party leader Nigel Farage has refused to condemn the actions of either man, stating that it’s UKIP business and UKIP handles this kinda thing UKIP’s way.

“What happened yesterday is all within the rules of UKIP,” said Farage, who is himself a worthy recipient of a blow to the back of the head.

“I can’t say much due to the first two rules of UKIP, but Steven and Mike adhered to the other rules; someone passes out, the fight is over. The fight went on as long as it had to. And if you’re going to fight, do it on the taxpayers’ time, and in a European country where you’ll get looked after properly in a good hospital, not some NHS shithole in Bromley or wherever”.

Woolfe is said to be recovering well, and should be out of hospital in time for the party’s upcoming ‘Royal Rumble’ style event.