How To Explain To Your New Boyfriend That You’re A Fallen Woman

YOU know how it is; you’re out shopping for sackcloth to make a new dress for yourself, and you meet a cute guy who asks you to go to a dance or for a sit-down meal with cutlery… only problem is, you’ve fallen into sin at some point in your life.

You’re unclean, and he deserves to know. How to break it to him in a manner that won’t make him cast you out?

This is the difficulty facing many young Irish women today, trying to find a suitor who will accept her despite the fact that she’s a fallen woman. These young women have allowed themselves to be led astray, and now they come running for advice as to how to find a husband even though they’re dripping in sin.

Well, you can’t. There’s not a man out there who will have you. Away with you, to the mines! You can try to explain yourself, surely, but it’ll all just fall on deaf ears. You can say how you thought it was all just a harmless good time, but he’ll just hear one word – ‘trollop’.

And so on you’ll go, bereft of human affection, the talk of the town, the shame of your family. Alone, staring out the window into the blackness of the night, as your wireless plays softly in the background, a damning reminder of how you threw your life away in the dance-halls of your youth, when there was ‘no harm’ in courting with your skirt up.

We hope it was worth it.