Pat Hickey Befriends Squirrel In Brazil Jail


BELEAGURED former OCI president Pat Hickey has some cause to smile this evening, after befriending a squirrel named ‘Rico’ who he spotted dancing around outside the bars of his Bangu Prison jail cell.

Hickey, under investigation for alleged ticket-touting at the 2016 Olympic games, had his head shaved before being thrown into the notorious South American prison, where he learned that you need eyes in the back of your skull, esé.

With nobody to talk to, Hickey managed to make friends with the nearby squirrel by offering the creature some torn-up tickets to the Olympic closing ceremony, which Rico then used to pad out his little squirrel nest.

The pair then became firm friends, with Hickey bringing Rico into interview sessions with Brazilian officials to help him out with some of their trickier questions.

“Any questions you have for me, you can run them past my solicitor first,” Hickey is believed to have told officials.

As the Irish Olympic team makes their way home tonight, Rico is currently teaching Hickey the finer points of surviving life in jail, such as trading dessert for protection and sharpening the end of your toothbrush into a stabbing weapon by filing it against a rough wall.