Scientists Discover Another Earth-Like Planet You Couldn’t Give Two Fucks About


THE European Southern Observatory (ESO) has announced the discovery of yet another ‘Earth-like’ planet that you couldn’t give two fucks about, WWN has learned today.

The as yet unnamed planet orbits the small Proxima Centauri star, which is part of the Alpha Centauri system, not that anyone cares.

“Ugh, I suppose we better announce this crap,” chairman of the ESO Kenneth Hunt read from a piece of paper to an poorly attended press conference. “Okay, where are we. Right, we found another one of these planets. It’s orbiting our nearest star 4.25 light years away, not that we’re ever going to reach the fucking thing anyway, am I right?”

Mr. Hunt went on the confirm the planet sits in the so called Goldilocks zone or habitable zone,meaning it orbits the star at a distance which would be favourable to having liquid water on the surface, which is vital for supporting life.

“If we could reach this planet, we would probably kill every living thing on it, before mining whatever minerals we could for our own benefit,” added Hunt. “Sure we can’t even take care of our own fucking planet, lads. Like, do you people even give a shit we found this?” he then asked the few remaining reporters. “Nah, I didn’t fucking think so. If there was a tribe of Kardashians found on the thing, it’d be all over every major news station right now”.

So far, 4,567 earth-like planets have been found orbiting distant stars this year.