Selling Tickets On The Black Market Not As Bad As Bribing Boxing Judges, Explains OCI


THE Olympic Council of Ireland (OCI) has spoken out for the first time after the arrest of its president Pat Hickey by Brazilian police earlier today.

The allegations of irregular ticket sales were first brought to the attention of Brazilian authorities after video evidence of men with Irish accents screeching “any spare tickets, tickets for sale” at the top of their lungs while not actually making any eye contact with people.

As arrests and allegations continue to pile up, the OCI has been quick to reassure the public. However, it did concede that the fact Mr. Hickey reportedly attempted to evade police by escaping wearing nothing but his dressing gown as ‘fairly hilarious alright’.

“Ah, cut us some slack, we’re not bribing boxing judges are we? Although with the money we were going to make off these tickets we could afford to. Look, is selling on tickets to line our own pockets bad? Yes. But is it bribing boxing judges bad? No, it isn’t, is it? Shit… is it?” an OCI insider told WWN.

The scandal has taken the focus away from the considerable success of Irish athletes who have excelled in sailing, rowing, diving and the 400 metre hurdles, something Mr. Hickey hadn’t planned on doing when he allegedly began trying to engage in selling tickets illegally on the black market.

“It’s true, we are over here to support our athletes, but a small number of us kind of got distracted by all the money we could be making on the sly instead,” the OCI insider continued.

Seeking to further explain how as many as 800 tickets had made their way into the hands of a THG employee who is alleged to have been selling them on illegally at a significant markup, the OCI insider was refreshingly honest.

“Does anyone remember when Michelle Smith took a boat load of drugs? That was gas. Oh my God, is that Pele behind you,” the insider said as he ran away.

It’s not all bad news for Team Ireland as the OCI are currently in with a medal shout in the most corrupt organisation at the Olympics.