5 Things The Leaving Cert Class Of 2016 Can Look Forward To


IF you are one of the many students who received your results this morning, chances are you’re so intoxicated at this point that reading is proving to be an impossible task.

However, if you’ve gone down the sensible route and had your stomach pumped after your third shoulder of vodka, you will be able to fully engage with WWN’s list of things you, the Leaving Cert class of 2016, can look forward to:

1) 20% youth unemployment

That’s right 1 in every 5 people under the age of 25 are entering the workforce only to find it’s very hard to force yourself into some work. But it’s not all bad news, if you commit to a gruelling 4-year college course in something that doesn’t interest you there’s every chance you will be unemployed with a degree.

2) Fighting to the death for some accommodation

If you do choose to pursue third level education, it’s important to note that currently there is just one flat available to rent in all of Dublin if you exclude all the pervert landlords. And if you want that one remaining flat, estate agents expect you to brutally murder everyone that stands in your way. Alternatively, you can bring any spare shoe boxes you have with you to Dublin, Cork, Limerick or Galway and make a life for yourself in your empty New Balance box.

3) Free education steadily becoming more expensive

Free education is one of the pillars of Irish society, but due to big words you wouldn’t understand, such as ‘economics’ and ‘endemic apathy’, your free education will end up costing you upwards of ‘a lot of money’. Finding yourself scrambling to cover costs is just one of the exciting parts about being an adult.

4) Bankrupting your parents

Of course it’s ludicrous to suggest you will be on the hook for the spiralling cost of free education, no don’t worry, it’s up to your parents to foot the bill.

When accommodation costs, books and living expenses are all taken into accounts you can look forward to your parents becoming more concerned, grumpy and panicked as they struggle to put you through a few years of a degree that could secure you a one way ticket to anywhere but here.

5) No pressure, but we really need you to sort this country’s shit out

This is your time to shine Leaving Cert class of 2016. Previous generations have really fucked up this Ireland thing and we’re all out of ideas, so we sort of need you to come up with things called ‘plans’,’solutions’ and ‘giving a shit’ in order to transform the country and push it towards a real and sustainable prosperity. No pressure