Some Bollocks In Tractor To Ruin Every Motorists Day Today

AN ABSOLUTE bollocks in a tractor has confirmed that he will set out around lunchtime to purposely annoy as many road users as humanly possible today.

Peadar Murphy, who has worked in the farming industry since the age of ten, first set about loading his trailer with 20 large bales of straw for the planned four-hour journey ahead.

“Best double stack them to scare the shit out of people behind,” said the 33-year-old. “People are less likely to overtake if they think the load is about to topple over on them.”

Mr. Murphy admitted to WWN that the bales were ‘only there for show’, and he isn’t actually bringing them anywhere in particular.

“Summer is fairly quiet on the farm so I just go for spins during the day with the tractor and load,” he explained, “busy primary and secondary roads are the best craic. Sometimes me and the other farmers have a competition to see how many cars we can get stuck behind us.

“One time I had a line of 43 cars on the Limerick to Cahir main road,” he added, laughing maniacally into his hand, “some horns were blowing that day”.

With a top speed of 20 miles an hour, the father of 14’s tractor has gotten him into numerous road rage incidents over the years.

“I remember some lad in a Honda Civic got sick of being stuck behind and tried to pass me on this narrow road outside Clonmel,” he recalled with his mind, “he kept up beside me beeping like a lunatic. Sure, I just started waving at him all nice like he was saying hello or something. Unfortunately, he didn’t see the articulated truck coming towards him and ploughed into the thing. That’s what he got for not being patient”.

At any one time, there are an estimated 3,000 cunts in tractors driving aimlessly on Irish roads in a bid to ruin just about everyone’s day.