Rest Of World To Take America For A Pint


FOLLOWING yet another mass shooting incident and the final confirmation that the upcoming presidential election will be between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, every country in the world is to come together this weekend and take the United States Of America for a pint and a chat.

The excursion will not be used as an intervention or to chide and berate America for its recent behaviour, as these avenues have been dismissed as being unhelpful in tone. Instead, the trip, to a bar of America’s choosing, will be light-hearted in nature and aimed at letting the troubled country relax, unwind and hopefully admit to its many problems, such as: economic turmoil, racism, fear, and paranoia.

“There’s no sense in giving out to them, you know?” said Jean McIlhane, a 36-year-old Cork woman who was voted as spokesperson for the rest of the world, “They’re enough problems without the whole world giving them a pain in the hole on top of it. We’ll just take them out, have a pint and relax, not get too shit-faced or anything like that. Just get their mind off their problems, so that they can head into the new week with a bit of positivity”.

America is currently making excuses as to why it can’t make it on Friday, but the rest of the world is insisting they come.