Theresa May Accidentally Leaves Nuclear Weapons Switch On During First Day As PM


OFFICIALS at Downing Street were left red-faced this morning after incoming prime minister Theresa May accidentally left the nuclear weapons switch on standby before leaving the residence.

Photographed outside number 10, Mrs. May turned on her heels after remembering to disarm the nuclear arsenal, which she was ‘fiddling about with earlier’.

“I’d forget my head if it wasn’t tied onto me,” joked the newly appointed PM as she backtracked into her new residence, “there’s so many buttons to learn. Hopefully the cat doesn’t step on the switch or we’ll all be doomed, ha-ha”.

May’s ascendancy to the office of prime minister has been widely praised and celebrated in some circles, due in no small part to the fact that the former home secretary is a woman, with breasts.

Many people are hoping the appointment of a woman to the position will improve the fortunes of women throughout Britain, and it is believed this delusion can be effectively clung onto if you ignore the fact May has been a senior member of a government which has consistently cut benefits for mothers and children.

“People won’t mind that she’s a Tory bastard in sheep’s clothing as long as she keeps doing silly things like walking the wrong way out of no. 10,” political commentator John Ringley explained to WWN.

May is seen by her supporters as a safe pair of hands to steer the country through the disruptive Brexit process, and will become Britain’s second woman prime minister, after Margaret Thatcher.