Printing Company Updates Paper Thing That Controls Your Whole Entire Life

A GLOBAL PRINTING giant has announced today that it will update that paper thing that controls your whole entire life.

Without any opposing questions from anyone about its true nature or real value, the European Central Bank introduced version 2.0 of what they call the ‘fifty euro note’ to millions of intrigued humans across the world.

The revamped paper rectangle, that costs €0.01 cent to make, will continue to hold the same value as the last note in a complex system created by the founders of the very same cartel that still continues to print them today.

The bills were unveiled in Frankfurt by company board member Yves Mersch, who later defended the valuation of the tree fibres.

“Well, there are holograms on it too,” he told WWN. “Holograms ain’t cheap you know. We’ve also added a plastic layer thing to make them more durable. They’re well worth the money!”

In conjunction with numerous other printing companies around the world, the ECB holds the copyright to their note, hindering smaller firms from printing similar designs.

“Yeah, no one else can print our design as we own the rights; that’s called fraud,” he explained with his mouth. “You can’t do that at all. Only we can. We’re the only ones allowed to print paper and give it a value… no one else”.

When asked what was stopping other people from creating their own bank notes, he replied: “Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t just print a number on a piece of paper and expect other people to take it for face value!”