WWN Guide To Proper Bus Etiquette


ONE Does not simply use public transport in Ireland in any old fashion they please, there is a strict set of guidelines as to how you should behave while on the bus (and to a lesser extent, the train) in order to maintain the smooth running of the network. Listen and learn:

Greet your driver, and thank him

It is vital to greet the driver as you get on the bus, even if you’re tagging on and you don’t need to actually speak to him. Likewise, you must say ‘bye-bye’ when you get off the bus. Otherwise, your driver may feel unappreciated and his work may suffer. You wouldn’t want that, now would you?

Give up your seat for pregnant pensioners

If you have a seat, and a pregnant woman gets on, she’s probably grand. Likewise, an elderly person. But if an elderly, pregnant person gets on, then you must immediately spring up and give her your seat. We’re talking elderly, though. Like 75 plus. Otherwise, you’re entitled to stay sitting.

No drinking unless you have some for everyone

The only time you’re allowed to have a few sociables on public transport is when you’ve brought enough for everyone to join in. Offer your Lucozade bottle filled with fuck knows what to everyone. Insist that they drink some. Demand it. If they won’t drink, we may have a problem on our hands.

Don’t put your feet on a Seat Ibiza

You can rest your feet wherever you want, but it is forbidden to hang them out the window until they touch a moderately sized hatchback. Have a bit of respect for those around you.

Use the upper decks for racially motivated assaults, and downstairs for general melees

Fight in the right area, people. Come on now, we’re not animals.