Local Man Struggling To Care About Latest Terror Attack


BURDENED by that same sinking feeling he felt after learning of the previous 400 heinous acts of violence visited upon innocent people around the world, local man Conor Kinseally has confessed that he is struggling to care about the latest carnage wrought on victims.

“I want to give it all the compassion I have, but there’s a part of me feels like I’m living in Groundhog Day. Feels like every day a new set of innocent people are shot or blown up, I’m running on empty when it comes to being able to take that all in,” Kinseally explained.

“I’ve had to make a choice, force myself not to care, or to turn my stomach with reading the details of young children, mothers and fathers being murdered and maimed,” Kinseally added.

Kinseally expects to receive criticism for choosing not to spend the morning commute on a bus into town reading the endless tragic details of yet more people killed by murderous lunatics.

“Sure, I could get worked up, angry and upset by reading all those details, but we both know come tomorrow, there will be a new city, country and town etched into my memory for all the wrong reasons, along with a date that will have new meaning,” the selfish and heartless father of one confirmed to WWN.

While it is unclear who the perpetrators of the latest attack are, ISIS remain on the list of banned terror groups for the majority of nations and have now been given the additional acknowledgement of being designated a ‘pack of tiny-penised bastards’. It is a special designation shared with other tiny penis owners the Taliban, Boko Haram and Al Qaeda.

In other news, God has broken his centuries long silence to confirm to religious fundamentalists “honestly, guys, I’m not a fan of terror attacks so fucking stop it already” while also stating there are zero virgins waiting for anyone in Heaven.