Religious Cult Ready To Swoop In At Local Man’s Lowest Point


A LOCAL religious cult has identified the lowest ebb in a young man’s life as the perfect opportunity to insert themselves and their ideology into his life, WWN can reveal.

The church of the 12th Ignitor’s Of Christ’s True Message were busying themselves shouting through a megaphone in Waterford city, informing everyone they are going to hell when they made contact with Ciaran Dunne, a severely downtrodden 22-year-old.

Dunne, strolling aimlessly through Waterford looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, was immediately identified by the cult’s recruiters as an ideal candidate for indoctrination.

“When he mentioned he hadn’t talked to his mother in about 10 years and how his girlfriend dumped him, we thought ‘praise Jesus, we can brainwash this sad lad’,” admitted one messenger of Christ who had an oddly vacant look in his eyes.

“Honestly, you should have heard him. He sounded very lost, and no one buys our shit unless they really are at their lowest,” Eoin Banville, the chief recruiter for the cult told WWN.

“He’s got a decent job too, so we can rely on some serious donations down the line. God, he could fork over thousands of euro if we tell him that’s all it takes to become a level 7 Inquisitor,” Banville added, shortly before asking Dunne to hand over his relevant bank account details.