WWN Guide To Getting A Woman Pregnant For That Sweet Ass Parental Leave Money

WITH the publication of the Paternity Bill fathers are in line to receive two weeks paternity leave and two weeks paternity benefit after their child is born, meaning if you haven’t already got someone pregnant, you need to get your arse into gear, there’s cash to be made.

The introduction of the bill has been welcomed by parents and parents to be, but the real thing to take away from is, if done right, there’s a session to be had with the money.

WWN has the essential step by step guide for getting your hands on some of that sweet parental leave dosh.

Think about it, that’s two weeks off and €230 a week? It’s like winning the local parish lotto so we hope you’ve had your sperm on ice for such an occasion.

Step one: get someone pregnant. It really is that simple. If you’re not up to date on how this is done, Google is your only man.

Step two: begin planning what you’re going to do with all that free time and money.

Step three: put even more thought into what you’re going to do. You could film yourself doing that ‘making it rain’ thing that cool famous people do. You’ll have money coming out of your arse. Specifically, for just those two weeks, but still, arse will have money flying out of it etc.

Step four: whatever you do, do not think about the long term impact of bringing a child into this world will have on you. Just think about what kind of session you can have for €230!

Step five: you should have already realised this, but, you know you can do this a second and third time, and get the same amount of money.