Government Changes Meaning Of ‘Inequality’ While No One’s Looking


AS the Nation busies itself with essential everyday tasks like working, living and desperately just trying to get by and survive, the government has changed the definition of the word inequality.

Growing ever more frustrated by the word becoming a common phrase when the public discusses the state of Ireland today, the government hatched a plan which ultimately saw the word’s meaning change beyond all recognition.

“We actually enlisted the help of those brainless idiots who managed to change the meaning of the word ‘literally’,” a government spokesman said, alluding to the work carried out by the people who used the word ‘literally’ in place of ‘figuratively’, despite figuratively literally being the word that was actually suitable in the given context.

“You know how it goes ‘I’m literally dying’, well no of course you’re not, well, unless you’re one of the poor sods on the wrong end of inequality,” the spokesman chuckled.

“We thought to ourselves, what if inequality started to mean ‘quality’ or ‘equality’ instead of what it actually means – the ever widening disparity between rich and poor in this country,” opined the absolute shit, “and the Oxford dictionary let’s any old change to the dictionary these days so it was easy enough to persuade them”.

The spokesman also confirmed that he expected the change to go unnoticed by the majority of people for several years as they’re too busy trying to stop sliding in abject poverty.

“So, yeah, it’s great for every use of the word ‘inequality’, you’ll basically be saying ‘Ireland is riddled with equality’ or ‘the increased equality in Ireland has to stop’. You’ll sound like a right looper,” the spokesman concluded.