Kevin Vickers Asked To Sort Out Gangland Feud Next


CANADIAN ambassador to Ireland Kevin Vickers has been politely asked by the Nation to sort out the violent gangland feud troubling the streets of Dublin next, if he’s not too busy.

Not content with shooting a terrorist and preventing the loss of innocent life in his time as Sergeant-At-Arms in Canada, Vickers again made headlines after tackling an irate protester to the ground at a ceremony commemorating British soldiers killed in the Easter Rising.

“I’m sure he is a busy man, and I don’t want to get in the way of all his ambassadoring and that, but if anyone can put manners on that crowd, it’s Mr. Vickers,” Dublin resident Angela Harney told WWN.

While the Nation as a whole is unfamiliar with acts of such bravery, they were not shy in imagining just how Vickers would take down drug gangs hell bent on terrorising Dublin communities with their barbaric acts.

“In my head he’s basically Liam Neeson in Taken,” shared Clonmel man Eddie Toland, “he’d be all like ‘pow pow pow’ and then he’d do this,” Toland added while tumbling to the ground and firing off several imaginary bullets from an imaginary gun made out of his thumb and index finger.

“It’d be class anyway, you don’t mess with that Vickers lad, he takes no shite,” Toland concluded.

WWN has since learned that Mr. Vickers has woken up to 125 missed calls from Taoiseach Enda Kenny, pleading with the ambassador to go ‘full John McClane’.