Famous Five Discovered In Shallow Grave After 35 Years


THE disappearance of a quartet of sleuthing youngsters and their faithful dog was a mystery worthy of the Famous Five themselves, and we may finally have our answer after the grim discovery of a number of bodies in a shallow, unmarked grave in the southeast of England.

The Kirrin children; brothers Julian and Dick, along with their sister Anne and their cousin Georgina “George” Kirrin, were well known to the police in Dorset bay after helping to bring a number petty criminals to justice in the late seventies. Dubbed “The Famous Five” due to the inclusion of their faithful border collie “Timmy”, the family enjoyed a small degree of celebrity among the Dorset locals.

However, the youngsters infamously vanished in the early eighties, leaving many to wonder if they had attempted to break up one smuggling gang too many.

The worst fears of the region were confirmed today when, after 35 years, the grave of the Famous Five may have been discovered by a jogger along the cliffs of Dorset bay.

“The age pattern of the victims matches that of the Famous Five, and there is what we believe is the remains of a border collie in the grave too,” said the British Chief Of Police, Theophilus Goon.

“Gunshot wounds to the head, hands tied behind the back. It seems they ran afoul of a particularly nasty smuggling ring and got taken out of the equation before they could raise the alarm. It’s ironic how the Five were known to discover secret chambers all the time, and when you think about it, we found them in one”.

The Famous Five will be laid to rest in a ceremony later this month, which will be attended by the four remaining members of the Secret Seven, as well as Aunt Fanny.