All These Fools Gonna Make Me Bust My Nine, Confirms Adams

SINN Féin leader Gerry Adams has issued a statement in which he justifies his use of the N-word by claiming that he has “never really identified as white”, adding that “any of you honky mothers that don’t get that” may be candidates for a date with “his nine”.

Adams made the latest statement while chilling in his crib with his homies, following a weekend spent explaining himself after posting a tweet about the movie Django Unchained.

Making the point that being a Catholic living in Northern Ireland was similar to being an African American living in America, the tweet caused international outrage among the Irish media, who called on Adams to explain himself dozens of times.

Having had enough, Adams took to YouTube with a video message for “da haters”, in which he made thinly veiled threats to “bust a cap in yo ass”.

“Ya’ll thinking this a game, bitch I’m the realest motherfucker ever to come out the hood in Ballymurphy,” said Adams, while pointing a Glock pistol sideways at the camera.

“This beef ends here. Me and my whole crew gonna run up on you if you be dissing the Sinn Féin posse. Real talk. Adams out”.

Adams later denied having a “nine”, or indeed knowing anyone who had ever used one.