Irish Water’s Hold Music Changed To Loud Sobbing

IRISH Water’s call centre has made some adjustments in light of the agreement struck between Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael which will see the semi-state body have substantial changes made to how it operates, including an end to water charges.

Hold music, which was mostly used in an effort to frustrate panicked pensioners as they queried how many showers they could have per week while leaving enough money for food, will now be replaced by the tears and sobbing of Phil Hogan, Alan Kelly and a select few Irish Water employees.

“Nothing gets the tears going like a cataclysmic fuck up,” minister Kelly explained to WWN as he raised a glass of water to his lips in an effort to rehydrate following excessive crying.

“Putting the sobbing of the hold music saves staff having to listen to water protesters laugh down the line to them. That’d been happening a lot,” Kelly added, before beginning to sob down another handset.

During a portion of the hold music one employee can be heard screaming ‘why don’t you love us Ireland? Why?’

Outgoing Irish Water CEO John Tierney denied making threats to Fine Gael saying if Irish Water wasn’t left alone he would place the Nation’s water supply in a great big kettle and boil it.