NO injuries were reported following a daring dawn raid in which a unit of the special branch apprehended the leaders of a household that didn’t bother to fill out their census form at the weekend.
The three members of the household, believed to be notorious census-dodger Gary Irwin, his wife Emma and their daughter Rosie, were taken into custody with minimal resistance after officers from the Census Control Squad smashed in the front door of their Phibsboro house at 6 am this morning.
The Irwin family had been overheard at the weekend dismissing the fact that it is a legal requirement to fill in your census, and ringleader Gary was even heard to quip that he would “do it whenever he got around to it”, adding that the census could “wait till after Game Of Thrones”.
This brought the full force of the CCS crashing through his front door this morning, spearheaded by senior officer Mark Hartigan.
“You dodge the census, you deal with us, ” said Hartigan, speaking to the assembled press.
“Some people think that the census isn’t important. Some people think: oh, I’ll just fill it out at my leisure. Wrong! You fill it out when we say you fill it out, or else me and the boys from the CCS will bag your ass in a heartbeat”.
Following a short trial, the Irwin family were brought around the back of Mountjoy jail and executed by firing squad, as Hartigan marked “deceased” on their census form.