Michaella McCollum Definitely British


IN a bid to clear up any confusion, the Nation has today confirmed that drug-mule Michaella McCollum is definitely British, should the question of her nationality ever arise in the media.

“We just want to make it clear that Ms. McCollum is one of theirs, and not to confuse her with being Irish,” President Michael D. Higgins told Newstalk radio station this morning. “There has been a lot of confusion in the past with various Irish people being falsely claimed by the UK as their own, but this little beauty is definitely British. She’s all yours”.

The Tyrone born cocaine trafficker, who was born in Tyrone, in Northern Ireland, a country owned and run by England, which is currently under the queen’s rule, England, was interviewed on RTÉ last night by journalist Trevor Birney, who the Nation also insists is British, due to his soft line of questioning.

“Just like her final sentence, she got away lightly in this interview,” said one Irish twitter user, from Ireland.

“It’s a shame she has a nordy accent, now everyone will think she’s Irish,” said another. “She should be made wear a Union Jack when she gets back, so no one confuses her”.

Michaella McCollum and Scottish woman, Melissa Reid, from Scotland, was arrested in 2013 for possession of almost €2m worth of cocaine hidden in luggage at Lima airport. Both women were charged and sentenced to 6 years and eight months in a Peruvian prison, Peru.