Provident Guy Knows You’re At Home


TURNING off the television and ducking below the front window to avoid the Provident guy has failed to work on this occasion, WWN can confirm today.

Steven Hartley, the agent working for the British financial services group who lent you €400 in November at an APR of 157.3%, said he can hear your phone vibrating, despite your best efforts to turn it off.

Speaking with WWN outside your house, the commission based rep claimed this is the fourth time calling to your door without any answer, and would really like to speak to you as soon as possible, as it’s “urgent”.

“Look it, we can sort something out, whether that means extending the loan by another few months at an increased rate of 254% or an even longer duration for 545%,” Hartley insisted. “Best to get it out of the way now, because Christmas will be upon us again in no time, and you’ll be looking for another loan”.

Finally giving up on his repeated calls, the loan agent left several passive aggressive voicemails on your phone that he learnt from in-house training, in a bid to hurry up your response and make you even more nervous than you already are.

“I’ll be back next week with my area manager to arrange something,” he made sure to say aloud, before whispering. “These people never learn”.