Movies Now 86% Just Buildings Collapsing


A COMPREHENSIVE study of movies scheduled for release in the next 18 months has revealed that 86% of all screen-time will be devoted to skyscrapers falling down.

Hollywood producers have employed a record-breaking number of SFX artists and sound engineers to create hour-long scenes of buildings collapsing in clouds of dust and smoke, with windows shattering and masonry crumbling to pieces in a deafening barrage on the senses.

Although scenes of the destruction of entire cities were usually only featured in superhero or alien invasion movies up until now, almost every movie from now on will include at least one scene where thousands of lives are lost in a screaming pile of debris.

“People don’t go to the cinema to be entertained, they go to see CGI buildings topple over,” said Siegfried O’Malley, executive producer.

“For the past ten years, all blockbusters had a building collapse. Then two buildings. Then a whole city. By the end of 2017, we’re going to need to show entire countries just get swallowed by the earth to entertain people. We’re recalling movies that were set for release and adding in scenes of destruction by the dozen!”

Even movies such as The Lonesome Heart, a touching drama starring Meryl Streep about a widow coping with life after the death of her husband, have been brought in for reshoots to include a scene where Meryl escapes from the Empire State Building after its foundations give way.