5 Things Only A Cat Person Will Understand


WHILE almost nobody on this planet likes cats for all the obvious reasons we don’t need to go into, some people buck the trend and consider themselves die-hard cat people.

Why? God only knows, they’re a strange, strange breed but nevertheless WWN has compiled a list of 5 things only a cat person will understand:

1) Owning 20 cats. Who else, other than a cat person would give over their lives to cats like this? The answer is no one you idiot, this is straight up a cat person-only zone. Allowing them to usurp you as the true owner of your home is the first step in a slippery descent.

2) You cat people differ hugely from us normal folk in that you scrimp and save huge amounts of money. Over the years that cash pile builds and builds, you may even apply for a loan to get a little extra bump, all so that you can take that next important step.

3) Whisker implants aren’t fucking cheap, but surely you’d know that being a cat person. €10,000 grand to have an ethically bankrupt plastic surgeon insert long whiskers into your cheeks, that’s €10,000 well spent if you’re a cat person. Oh great, now you’re hissing like a cat, weirdo.

4) We honestly don’t understand it ourselves, like we said above, this only a list cat people will understand. But, the next step is even more bizarre surgeries that will have people questioning your sanity. Honestly, how can you think jaw realignment, and ear reshaping can be a good thing? Cat ears? Really? You cat people, you’re one of a kind, we’ll give you that. Oh, don’t forget the tail implant too.

5) As we’re sure you’re aware you are now at the critical point of going from person to cat person to cat. All that is left to do is piss on the floor of your house like it’s no big deal, cough up some fur balls and of course sprint out into your back garden on all fours and set yourself free into the wilderness.

From here, simply parade yourself about on your neighbour’s garden fence, before leaping on top of a bird and tearing it apart with your cat teeth (€8,000 well spent). Ignore the screams coming from your neighbour’s young children, mutilating a bird is classic cat person behaviour.