Maria Sharapova Tests Positive For Bullshit Excuses


IN yet another blow to her sporting legacy tennis star Maria Sharapova has tested positive for bullshit excuses and may face a further ban from the sport as a result.

Sharapova had tested positive for a substance, meldonium, which was only added to the banned substance list in January of this year, a medicine she claims she had been taking for 10 years.

However, when international tennis authorities, journalists and members of the general public reviewed footage of Sharapova’s press conference dealing with the positive test they found trace elements of ‘bullshit’, a verbal substance known to be harmful to a sport star’s reputation.

“It is sad that someone with so much talent would allow themselves to make such an error and then the press conference, I didn’t notice it at first, but on replays it’s very obvious she is through the roof for elements of terrible excuses,” a member of the International Tennis Federation told WWN.

Sharapova claimed in her press conference that she had been taking meldonium for 10 years for a number of health problems, despite a regular course of the drug only supposed to last a maximum of 6 weeks according to its manufacturer.

These claims along with doubt over whether or not she ever applied for an exemption from taking the substance sparked fears she would test positive for terrible excuses.

“You don’t like to see it in an athlete as talented as Maria, but I’m not surprised the tests came back positive for excuses, the press conference was very staged managed, conceited even, an attempt to keep endorsements perhaps,” offered sports journalist Don Smith.

Sharapova’s impending ban is set to cost her millions in off the court endorsement deals, but her prize money on the court will not be affected as Serena Williams was planning on winning pretty much everything again this year.