Kenny Receives Three Penalty Points For Reckless U-Turn

CURRENT Taoiseach Enda Kenny has been slapped with three penalty points and an 80 euro on-the-spot fine after pulling a completely reckless u-turn on his policy of not going into a coalition with Fianna Fáil, it has emerged.

The Fine Gael leader had been travelling down a road marked “absolutely never joining forces with Fianna Fáil” when the near-wipeout of the Labour party in the general election caused him to swerve wildly across three lanes of traffic, ending up in a lane marked “willing to engage fully and inclusively with other parties, including Fianna Fáil”.

In his defence, the Taoiseach claimed that while a u-turn into this new lane may not have been indicated in the run-up to the general election, pretty much everyone would have known he was going to do it at some stage.

“Three feckin’ points on my license, and no way of getting them quashed,” moaned the Taoiseach, who saw his party lose significant ground in the Dáil.

“Honestly, do they really need for me to spell out my every move weeks or months in advance? You all knew this would be the way we’d end up going, so why am I getting penalty points for it? Sake, like”.

The Taoiseach was told that he could pull over into the Sinn Féin lane if necessary, but he added that he would rather drive the bus over a cliff than go down that road.