RTÉ Hire More Translators Following Healy-Rae Double Victory


AFTER being forced to admit that the Healy-Rae brothers are two of the most popular politicians in Ireland following a barnstorming performance in last Friday’s general election, officials at RTÉ have advertised three new job positions for anyone who can translate Kerry into English.

The successful applicant will be required to quickly and efficiently translate anything that either Michael Healy-Rae or his brother Danny Healy-Rae says during news broadcasts and live events, so that the news staff will be able to converse with them.

Michael Healy-Rae was returned to Dáil Éireann after receiving more than 20,000 first preference votes; more than 7,000 over the quota and by far the most of any individual candidate across Ireland. He was followed by his brother Danny, making them the first brothers to be elected on the same day in the same constituency.

Begrudgingly admitting that the hard work in the Kerry community had pushed the Healy-Raes into the ranks of the best politicians in Ireland, RTÉ congratulated the pair and added that they hoped to be talking to them once a suitable translating service was in place.

“You have to hand to them, they look after their people so their people looked after them,” said an RTÉ representative.

“We always thought they were just a pair of gombeen bullshit artists, but you don’t get 20,000 votes without being a very shrewd, intelligent political force. So all we need now is someone who can translate what they’re saying for Bryan Dobson on the Six-One news, and we’re set”.

RTÉ went on to state that the translating posts would be JobBridge positions, naturally.