CONFIRMED: Conor McGregor Will Fight Some Fat Bloke At UFC 196


AFTER the disappointing news that Rafael Dos Anjos ‘shit the bed and pulled out of the title fight’ with Conor McGregor due to a ‘foot injury’ comes news of Notorious’s last minute replacement for the UFC196 bout.

Many fans had expressed their disappointment at Dos Anjos’s withdrawal from the bout as many Irish fans had spent a lot of money on trips to Las Vegas for an exciting title fight, something which the UFC has apologised for profusely.

“We’re very sorry about this, and the short notice hasn’t allowed us to find any top quality opponents for Conor, so we’ve had to settle for some fat guy,” Dana White explained at an event unveiling 29-year-old overweight man with no fighting experience Geoff O’Hanlon.

“Yeah, I guess I’m excited, I don’t really follow the fighting stuff, I could do with the extra cash though. Gotta pay those bills, right?” O’Hanlon remarked, clearly unaware there was a very small chance he will have the ever-living shit kicked out of him by McGregor on the 5th of March.

“Mr. White told me the last guy lasted 13 seconds, and he’s a professional, so maybe I go through 1,2 seconds of pain tops and I get some money,” O’Hanlon added while resting a beer can on his belly.

To further appease Irish UFC fans, Dana White went on to tell them that they were the best fans in the world, with this announcement calming them down as their hearts swelled with pride.

A major concession was also secured as White wilted and confirmed that the UFC196 event would have an official name change to UFC1916, to honour the leaders of the 1916 Rising for some inexplicable reason.