Clarkson Apologises To Spud-Munching Paddy

JEREMY Clarkson has issued an apology to the producer of Top Gear that he assaulted last year, adding that he hopes there’s no hard feelings between him and potato-eating bog dweller Oisín Tymon.

Clarkson, who was fired by the BBC after assaulting Mr. Tymon in a hotel following a day filming when he didn’t get the dinner he had asked for, was speaking after settling a £100,000 racial discrimination and personal injury claim filed by his former colleague.

Tymon, who was pinned against a wall and called a “lazy Irish cunt” by Clarkson, received a number of death threats on social media after the Top Gear presenter got the sack.

“I wholeheartedly regret the incident that occurred with Oisín, who is a great producer even if he is a famine dodging Mick,” said Clarkson, flanked by Richard Hammond and James May.

“I absolutely shouldn’t have threatened to smash his stupid bomb-making face in, and I hope that he enjoys spending 100 grand of my money on a big pot of gold for the end of his rainbow with all the rest of his fucking leprechaun mates”.

Clarkson went on to state that he, along with Hammond and May, would be launching a Top Gear-esque show on Amazon’s streaming service later this year, and that no Irish need apply.