Human Dies After Being Passed Around Under Water By Dolphins


THERE was terrifying and sad scenes on an Argentinian beach earlier today after members of the seemingly intelligent dolphin community claimed the life of one human.

Onlookers described a young man in his 20s happily swimming in shallow water when a dolphin dragged him further out to sea, keen to show off the exotic discovery to his dolphin friends.

“Dolphins are supposedly really smart, but they just kept passing him around under water for about 30 minutes, every dolphin in the sea wanted to get a look at him and hold him, he was dead after like 5 minutes, stupid fucking dolphins,” eye witness Rodrigo Palacio explained to WWN.

What made the incident more tragic was that the victim, 27-year-old Carlos Bacara, was 1 of just 7 billion remaining humans left on the planet, his death serves as yet another blow to the endangered human species.

Rumours are swirling that the dolphins had been curious to see what a human looks like after a recent incident saw a large group of vapid and vacuous humans drag a dolphin out of the sea in Argentina in order to pass it around for important selfie opportunities, ultimately leading to the completely avoidable death of the animal.

“They are actually more intelligent than we give them credit for,” explained the policeman charged with investigating the human death, Gabriel Banega, “the dolphins uploaded several pictures of the victim to Instagram with the caption ‘so this is what the dumbest fucking thing on the planet looks like'”.