WWN Guide To Tucking Your Lad Into Your Sock

THE tucking away of the male penis has lead to some horrific and life-threatening injuries over the years, with 1 in every 10 men in Ireland annually receiving some form of treatment for injuries caused by poorly placed genitalia. We here at WWN have put together this handy guide for tucking your lad away without breaking it.

The wrap around your leg into sock method

The biggest mistake most men make is to tuck their penises directly into their sock. This is wrong and very dangerous due to the knee bending.

First of all, penises are not meant to bend in the middle like that. If they bend too much they can actually snap the cartilage in the penis, causing serious damage and excruciating pain. Experts in penis handling believe that wrapping it around the left or right leg (left for heterosexuals, right for homosexuals) gives it more room to manoeuvre, as opposed to straight down the leg. The wrapping around will also cut down on embarrassing hard-on situations arising on buses or at funeral processions. The penis has to snuggly cling to the leg, as opposed to just slapping off it, spurning erections. Make sure to use a good long sock with elastic ends to tuck your lad in too. Ankle socks tend to let the lad slip out mid-walk, and no one wants the end of their penis scraping off the ground as they walk to work/college/mass. No one.

NOTE: This technique is not to be used while doing any type of sports.

The wrap around hip technique for athletes and people who wear shorts for no reason

When partaking in sporting activities, men should always use the hip wrap technique. To begin, the penis must be in its natural state and not erect. Get a friend/teammate to help you hold it if it’s flopping all over the place and acting up. If it’s being difficult, slapping it with a football boot or hurley will soften it enough for the wrap around. Depending on your sexuality, clockwise for straight, anti-clockwise for gay, wrap that fucker around like a belt, twice, or three times if you’re of normal girth. Then tie it in a half knot so it doesn’t slip. Do not tie it too tight as this could cut the circulation to the head and it could fall off mid-game. Again, no one wants the head of their penis falling off onto the pitch for someone to stand on or kick around the place.

We hope this information helps you and be safe out there. Next week: how to sit on the toilet without dunking your lad.