“I Just Make Shit Up To Get Into The Papers” – Stephen Hawking

BRITISH theoretical physicist, cosmologist and author Stephen Hawking has admitted to making up hundreds of radical theories on space and humanity just to get into the newspapers.

Speaking in an exclusive interview with a Cambridge University publication, the wheelchair bound professor opened up about his ongoing addiction to lying, stating he only did it for the fanfare and didn’t mean to disappoint his peers or fans.

“I figured out a long time ago that if I picked a subject that no one understood, I would get away with saying whatever I wanted on that subject, as no one would be able to prove me wrong,” he explained. “Physics stood out for me straight away as it was mostly theory based, much like God is. All I had to do was dream up a few concepts, and then back them up with some scientific jargon no one understands.”

“I truly believe science is a new religion; everyone thinks they’re right, but they don’t know jack shit at the end of it all,” he added.

Hawking went on to tell the interviewer that most of his books were written by a ghostwriter from India.

“When I heard I could get a ghostwriter for 2 pence a word I was laughing,” he recalled. “I don’t know what those boys are smoking over there, but some of that work was fairly out there. At first I didn’t think people would believe it, but they did. It made me a fortune and I loved the attention.”

The 74-year-old was then reportedly asked to clarify his latest comments about humanity being at risk from a lethal ‘own goal’ of its own making in the form of nuclear war, global warming and genetically-engineered viruses however, the lying addict immediately got up from his chair and walked away, terminating the interview.