Local Man Can’t Work Out Percentages Despite 15 Years Of Maths At School


HAVING spent 15 of his 28 years on this earth at school, local man Ian Connolly should be more than capable of applying everything he learned during that time should the occasion arise.

However Connolly broke down today at a press conference and admitted that the vast majority of the mathematical knowledge that was drilled into him since he was a child has abandoned him, and he now struggles to work out simple things such as figuring out percentages.

Connolly, who does most of his sums on the calculator on his phone, admitted that he felt confident when performing simple arithmetic but struggled when required to do anything more complex.

The Waterford native’s failure to be able to express a reduction from 173 to 63 in the form of a percentage have sent shockwaves through the education system, with many fearing that students simply regurgitate information rather than absorb it, presumably to pass exams and not look like a failure to their families and peers.

“I know that 25% of 100 is 25, but that’s about it,” sobbed Connolly, who feels like his school years were largely a waste of time.

“As for integers, reciprocals, and trigonometry… forget it. I can’t do any of it any more. I feel like I’ve let everyone down, for God’s sake, I’m nearly thirty and I don’t remember the sin-cos-tan rule”.

Connolly went on to add that since leaving school he had learned many important things about the world and how it works, but none of it seems important now that he can no longer do five pages of hard sums while being timed.