Angela Merkel Seeking Exchange Or Refund On Some Refugees


ANGELA Merkel has spent the morning frantically rummaging through the drawers at her Berlin office, trying to locate her receipt for the 750,000 refugees she has so far accepted into Germany.

“Scheisse,” the German chancellor repeated constantly as she turned her office inside out in search of the receipt.

It is believed Merkel is seeking to explore the option of returning all refugees as the sexual assault of women in Cologne and other cities allegedly carried out by refugees has shocked the world.

“I don’t even know if I’m entitled to a return on them, it’s been longer than 28 days too, who bloody knows,” she added as she browsed through the German consumer rights website.

And with one of the knock on effects of the harrowing New Year’s Eve attacks on women being that groups of male refugees have been attacked by thugs creating a toxic environment of fear, recrimination and violence, the chancellor is running out of ideas.

“These attackers need to be identified and dealt with by the relevant authorities, as do those attacking innocent men as some sort of retaliation, but to be honest, I might just return the whole lot, as no society is equipped to make this fucking work,” the exhausted leader stated.

German political insiders confirm Merkel thinks the swell of paranoia, outrage and anger festering in Europe will now make it a next to impossible task to treat a large group of Syrian men, women and children as anything but pariahs who represent a perfect manifestation of people’s prejudices.

While the hope was to integrate a large number of those refugees fleeing a dangerous civil war in Syria into German society over a number of years, it is becoming clearer to the politician that no one has the appetite to rationalise when discussing the situation.

“Ah, Jesus, the way things are going at this rate, why fucking bother,” Merkel confirmed to herself.

The Christian Democratic Union leader will spend the rest of the day looking for the receipt, after which she may just return to foreign borders and hope they’ll take her word for it in the absence of proof of purchase.