WWN Guide To Dry January


OVERINDULGED over the holidays? Had that first pint and subsequent countless pints since only to regret it now?

We’ve all been there, and there’s only one reasonable answer to bringing an end to an unhealthy lifestyle that carries on for 11 months of the year. That’s right, it’s time to eat some green stuff for a few weeks before giving up and going back to your old ways.

For many January ushers in the behemoth task of not consuming alcohol for a daunting 4 weeks, and now that the opening month of the year is 6 days old WWN is here to help guide you through it as you fight those crippling urges.

To ensure you can take on this Herculean task of just not drinking for a few weeks you must live and breath your non-alcoholic struggle. Remain dry at all times.

It may sound silly at first, but avoiding all rain will help you embody what it means to be dry, the occasional eating of crackers without the aid of lubricant cheese or butter will also help train the mind to begin embracing dryness as a concept. Cough for no good reason other than to scorch and dry out your throat, it’s needed and welcome too.

Anything that you could describe as ‘dry’ should become central to your life for the rest of January.

Has carrying out all these basic steps still left you worried that as a grown adult you will find it impossible to cease drinking? More extreme measures are needed.

Immediately move to a country where consuming alcohol is illegal, don’t worry it’s not as big a life change as you – remember it is only for January. Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Brunei – take your pick.

Don’t have the budget to jet off? Never fear, there are cheaper alternatives. Ring a friend you trust and with their help shackle yourself to a corner with leg irons and place a cage over your head, instruct your friend to feed you responsibly with things like not alcohol.

You will potentially need distracting from being reminded that it’s Friday at 10pm and you haven’t a drink for about 8 days, so it’s time to pretend to like all manner or things and activities.

Reading, listening to the woes of others, running, walking and playing eye spy with your now psychotic self are all great ways to distract yourself. Be sure to let everyone know that you’re doing a dry January too, as the energy that it takes to prattle on about it will tire you out eventually, to the point where you really won’t have the energy to think about drinking.

If all else fails, fall back on the very essence of the plan – just don’t drink for a few weeks.