Adele’s Ex Given New Identity, Moved To Safe Place


A FORMER lover of the chart-topping singer Adele has been relocated to what police are describing as “a safe zone”, after being given a new identity amid fears that his life was in danger.

The man, whose identity has not been released to the public to protect him from the multi-award winning recording artist, who has become known for not taking a break-up lightly.

Although the pair only dated for a fortnight back in 2004, Adele has written 18 songs about how much she hated the man and how he wrecked her life. These tracks go on to suggest that although she is much happier now, she still holds a serious grudge and will never forgive him as long as he lives.

“The amount of time Adele has spent writing songs about this person suggests that he is in considerable danger,” said Malcolm Sutting, spokesperson for the metropolitan police’s ex-boyfriend relocation programme.

“We are sure that he never thought it would come to this when he asked her out for a Nandos over a decade ago. Although the man is now safe, we would urge others to consider their future before asking Adele if she fancies going to the cinema or for a walk in town”.

If you have been in a relationship with Adele and feel your life is in danger, please contact your local police service.