Here’s What We Know About Star Wars The Force Awakens So Far

IT is, without question, the most anticipated movie since The Phantom Menace, but little is known about Star Wars The Force Awakens. WWN has gathered up all the information we could find on the production of the movie, which has been shrouded in secrecy.

Locations

Of course Ireland plays a small part in the film with the scenic island of Skellig Michael being used during filming. And we now know that the island will be blown up as part of a huge set piece, after special effect whizzes, alongside movie director JJ Abrams, strapped half a tonne of explosives to the delicate ecology of Skellig and burned it to the ground. Thousands of protected birds perished, but producer Kathleen Kennedy has reassured fans that they caught it all on camera.

Breathing

Early indications are that while the breathing will not be as heavy as when Darth Vadar was in his pomp, there will still be significant heavy breathing thanks to the breathy tones of Kylo Ren, which is being provisionally rated as ‘moderate asthma’ on the breathing scale.

Plot

JJ Abrams has denied that the opening scene will involve Luke Skywalker gently rousing the Force from its bed while in a deep slumber by saying ‘c’mon Force, time to get up’.

We do know however that space men and space women will face off against evil space men in an increasingly marketable way, with some characters modelled after highly profitable toys which are already on toy shop shelves.

Stormtroopers

Black stormtroopers have caused controversy, but at the insistence of pressure groups utilising a series of Twitter hashtags, every possible consideration has been made by The First Order to carry out an inclusive hiring policy. Rumours that Caitlyn Jenner is heading up a fleet of stormtroopers in Star Wars VIII are unconfirmed.

Yoda

Rumours of the movie containing flashbacks to Yoda’s troublesome years as a teenage prostitute while on Tatooine are wide of the mark.

Reception

Director JJ Abrams has said that the movie is absolutely not an allegorical tale of the sinister rising of ISIS in the Middle East, but he would be happy if some film students insisted that was the case as it’ll make him seem smarter.