Nation Hasn’t The Heart To Tell Gerry Adams He Won’t Be Taoiseach


A BEAMING Gerry Adams has no idea that the Nation is finding is hard to muster the heart to tell the Sinn Féin leader, he has absolutely no chance of being Taoiseach come election time in 2016, WWN has learned.

Skipping about the corridors of Leinster House, Adams has in recent weeks begun to entertain the idea of leading a majority Sinn Féin government, despite every member of the public well aware that scenario is highly unlikely.

“Ah, look at his smiley beardy face, I can’t do it, can someone else tell him?” Mary Lou McDonald, deputy leader of Sinn Féin, asked members of the public outside Leinster House as she spotted Adams arriving in a ‘Taoiseach Gerry’ t-shirt which he had specially made in a t-shirt printing shop earlier this week.

Rumours of Adams using the word ‘when’ instead of ‘if’ on the occasions in which he discussed the upcoming election have left the Nation conflicted as they felt the need to tell Adams he hasn’t a fucking hope, but at the same time no one has the heart to do so.

“We could write him a note, slip it under his office door or something,” mused Ciaran Riley, a Dublin native who has entertained the idea of voting for Sinn Féin in the past.

“No, maybe fly a plane with a banner on it, everyone is doing that nowadays, but, Jesus, what if he doesn’t look up at the right time? Ah, this is harder than I thought,” Riley added.

The situation has only worsened in recent days as Adams told party members he would only answer to the names ‘Taoiseach G’ or ‘G-seach’ from now on.