Cameron’s Erection Now Entering 12th Hour

PHYSICIANS at a top hospital in central London have injected David Cameron with a series of muscle-relaxing drugs, aimed at subsiding the prime minister’s throbbing erection which has lasted for over twelve hours.

Cameron first sprouted the intense erection minutes after the House Of Commons voted by a significant majority to engage in airstrike’s against ISIS targets in Syria. 66 Labour MPs sided with the Government, and this is believed to be a contributing factor to just how hard Mr. Cameron became while ordering the air attacks.

With the thrilling blood of war coursing through him, Cameron travelled immediately home to his wife Samantha, where sources say he gave her “the kind of rattling she hadn’t gotten in ten years”.

However, as the initial thrill of such a diamond-hard penis wore off, medical personnel were called to Downing Street this morning after the Prime Minister woke to find that his erection was persistent, and causing him a great degree of discomfort and pain.

Measures are now being taken by the PM in a bid to return his penis to its normal shrivelled state, including applying ice to the area while reading the replies to his Twitter account.

“You could chase a terrier out from under the bed with this thing,” said one doctor.

“And it’s not showing any signs of going away. It dipped ever so slightly at around 10 this morning, but then the PM got the news that the first RAF strikes had taken place. Hearing that there may or may not have been an ISIS fighter who received minor cuts and grazes from a Brimstone missile strike that cost more than a nurse will make in her lifetime just made Mr. Cameron’s cock spring to life like a cartoon steam whistle”.

Mr. Cameron’s fellow MPs have been warned to sit at a distance from the PM until the problem is sorted, as his penis “could blow at any minute”.