America Stuck On Repeat


FOLLOWING the 355th mass shooting in America this year, experts have warned that the country may be stuck on repeat.

“It’s a rare neurological condition, which is contagious and can have lasting effects,” Professor Ava Gilmour explained to WWN.

“Effectively, America is like an old overplayed CD which has been thrown on the floor and now has so many scratches on it that it’s just repeating the same thing over and over again,” Prof. Gilmour added.

American TV stations have been affected by this condition known as Landof Thefree as they have been playing the same news on repeat for much of the year, adding to the confusion for many US citizens.

“I had to cancel my cable package, all the news channels would just play the same thing over and over again, it was annoying at first, but ultimately I got used to it and it just became boring,” explained US native Darryl Jones.

President Obama in his daily mass shooting press release repeated the same urge to do something about the country’s lapse into a repetitive and damaging routine, stating “fucking hell, not again” for the 355th time this year.