“I’m Going To Fuck Syria Like It’s A Pig’s Head”, Says Cameron
BRITISH Prime Minister David Cameron has issued a statement in which he assures his fellow countrymen that when it comes to dealing with ISIS, he’s going to tackle them “hard, fast, and in one go while all my mates pat me on the back”, much like how he stuck his penis into the mouth of a dead pig while he was in college.
MPs are to vote tomorrow on whether or not to launch airstrikes against ISIS strongholds in Syria, with many spectators agreeing that the conflict is inevitable and could begin as early as next week.
Cameron has assured his fellow members of parliament that bombing ISIS is “the right thing to do”, in scenes reminiscent of his Bullingdon Club days in Oxford, where members egged each other on in initiation ceremonies involving degrading sex acts with dead livestock.
“I’m going balls deep again,” said Cameron, making a thrusting motion with his hips while holding a pair of imaginary ears at waist level.
“Everyone else is all for bombing, so I’m not going to be the only one who isn’t going to do it. Whether it’s the right thing to do or not, we’ll worry about that down the line. Let’s just do it, let’s go nuts, lets fuck some pigs’ heads and bomb some brown folk”.
Meanwhile, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has allowed his party members to vote freely on the subject, although he implores them to take a “just the tip” stance when it comes to bombing.