Jihadi John Buried At Sea


THE US defence forces have confirmed that the body of Islamic extremist Jihadi John was buried at sea following a drone strike earlier this morning.

The militant, whose real name is allegedly Mohammed Emwazi, was killed following a lengthy manhunt by the US military, which they claim took up most of their military resources over the past two years.

“Now we can finally focus on fighting the rest of ISIS,” a spokesperson for the defence forces stated. “Finding Mr. Emwazi has been our main goal throughout this entire conflict, and we are delighted to announce that we have killed and buried Jihadi John alongside Osama Bin Laden in our secret bad guy burial spot in the sea.”

Later, US president Barack Obama thanked special forces for their hard work in neutralising America’s latest boogeyman, pointing out the importance of disposing dead terrorists without ever actually documenting it for the rest of the world to see.

“Flaunting dead tyrants is so Libya 2011,” Mr. Obama told a White House press conference. “Besides, Mohammed Emwazi was of the Muslim fate and we have to respect his terrorist beliefs as a Muslim, despite killing him for them”.

“Anyway, all those Muslim lads love a good sea burial. It’s all the rage I hear,” he added.

A US official told the Associated Press a drone had been used to carry out the attack on a vehicle in Raqqa which was believed to be carrying Emwazi.

Emwazi gained notoriety after appearing in several ISIS/CIA video productions dressed in black with only his eyes visible, and spoke with a British accent as he went on anti-Western rants to the camera while wielding a knife. He apparently beheaded numerous hostages. However, this has never been fully confirmed in any of his online videos.